• Educating your family, friends, lovers, employers, teachers, physicians, etc., about your highly sensitive personality type will indefinitely improve your relationships.

Tips for the Highly Sensitive Person and Relationships

 

How Can I Say What I Mean Without Turning to Mush?
"So, here you are - this wonderfully creative and intuitive SSP with so much of value to say, but when you open your mouth, it comes out all wrong. What is going on that turns you into a verbal mess when the pressure is on?

You are subject to a lethal double-whammy. Not only are you a very dedicated perfectionist, but you sense any hint of possible displeasure, lack of respect, or doubt coming from the people listening to you. You want so much to please them, and you believe that the only way to do that is to be twelve times more brilliant and eloquent than anyone else in the room. Wow! I feel myself coming unglued just at the thought of such high expectations.

If you know you are going to be asked to speak, prepare! prepare! prepare! ahead of time. Give yourself the opportunity to consider all of the angles, possibilities and ramifications, that only you do so well. Make sure that you are satisfied with what you have to say before you ever walk into the room. If you are caught without time to prepare, protect yourself with language such as: "I would like to get back to you after I have had time to consider this subject in depth, but off the top of my head I suggest...." Or, "One possibility might be this, although I am sure there is more." You are allowing yourself not to know everything before you can say anything.

Please be aware that it is likely that no one there expects as much from you as you expect of yourself. Your sensitivity provides you with wonderful insight that deserves an audience. Be proud of what you have to say, and speak out for all to hear!" (Clover)

Authentic Contact

"The ability to have honest, personal interaction with another person or persons is a healing and connecting experience for the sensitive person. If you find your current interactions superficial it may be time to take them deeper and/or expand your social circle. You should be able to have conversations with others that feel nourishing, validating, and healing. Be open to new connections and utilize those authentic connections you may already have." (Mystic Life)

Codependence

"Especially in the arena of romantic relationships it is important to avoid codependence. This form of dependence can occur with friends or other people, but is most often associated with unhealthy romantic relationships. Because you feel so much, it may be tempting to simply tune in to how someone else is feeling and experience this like a psychic vampire. However, you will be left empty in their absence and must eventually deal with finding comfort in your aloneness. Communicate who you really are and what you are really experiencing. Take conversational risks...risk being seen for who you really are. This vulnerability will test the strength and authenticity of your relationships. Healthy connections will survive the truth." (Mystic Life)

Forgive

"To free up your energy it's important to forgive those you feel have hurt you. On a deeper level, you chose those experiences for lessons. It's helpful to let go of the idea of having "enemies." This perception of being "against" someone takes too much energy, and creates an uncomfortable weight with which you are unnecessarily burdening yourself. When you forgive someone (which is often a process of overcoming your ego attachment to being right) you will open yourself up for more positive experiences. After forgiving someone you are not obligated to be their best friend or do anything you don't want to do. Simply enjoy letting go of your anger and feelings of victimization. Don't feel bad if you've been holding on to resentment for many years. Some people hold on to their hate for their entire lifetime. Any energy you can liberate from hatred can be used towards improving your sense of well-being." (Mystic Life)

Communicate Effectively

"Many sensitive people may communicate "hysterically" with pressured speech and an overwhelming amount of energy without pausing to listen. Or you may be withdrawn and aloof, not sharing yourself for fear of feeling judged or misunderstood. Effective communication is one of the most important life skills you can ever learn. It enhances your personal growth and improves all of your relationships. Learning how to listen empathically is a huge part of communicating. What follows are some suggestions and thoughts related to empathic listening:

- Advice can be damaging when it has the effect of taking away power from the other.
- Recognize the other person's feelings without taking responsibility for them.
- People inherently want to be congruent and validated.
- Accept to assist in the other's healing.
- Don't attempt to change people; allow them to be their true selves.
- Depth and honesty tends to continue until it is interrupted by ego or misunderstanding.
- Facilitate a space of self-trust so the other can solve their own problems.
- Take no responsibility for the results of your empathic listening. Results reflect the other's readiness for change.

The following forms of interaction are those I find to be often Incongruent:
- Irrelevant questions
- Having an agenda for the other
- Inappropriate/distracting/distancing use of humor
- Unsolicited advice
- Unsolicited, distracting personal disclosure
- Lying
- Not paying attention/wandering mind
- Changing the subject prematurely
- Guiding/controlling/manipulating the direction of conversation
- Criticism of behaviors/thoughts
- Filling up silence with surface chat

The following forms of interaction are those I find to be often Congruent:
- Listening with a relaxed facial expression
- Direct eye contact
- Open body posture
- Minimal reinforcers (such as nodding or saying "yes," "I see," "oh") when not overused
- Smiling when reflecting pleasant emotion
- Paraphrasing what you're hearing periodically to demonstrate your understanding
- Reflecting both the content and feelings you are hearing
- Making tentative connections/observations in question form
- Allowing both positive and negative emotions to emerge
- Observing the other's "true self" beneath their fear and doubt" (Mystic Life)

 

References:

Clover Coaching

A Guide to Harmony for Sensitive People by Mystic Life

Sensitive Living Home